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《别样的碰碰车大战》

来自恶俗维基
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人生自古谁无死?不幸地,阅卷老师的脑神经细胞已经逝世,因此无法继续与您互动,让我们永远缅怀它。

作者

张祥如

正文

  一天,仵沉蛋给我打来电话他说:“你敢不敢和我举行碰碰车大战”我豪爽的答应了:“我怎么不コ当然敢”,周日下午在xx路xx大厦举行,谁不来谁就是怂货。

  我原本以为我恐吓了徐延仵沉蛋,仵沉蛋应该躲在家,不敢找我,可正当这时,我听见了音乐声,原来是我手机响了,一看,竟然是仵沉蛋打来的电话,他还真有勇气,我接通了电话,听道电话那头骂道:“小废物,你怎么还不来,再不来你妈的泌尿系统就被我搞坏了。”我听到他对我的毒骂之后,我回骂道:“我要把你挂到同性恋网站上,帮你炒作一番,你说好不好啊。”

  他吓得没再回应我,可是到了周日,仵沉蛋竟然又给我打电话了,他还真要和我举行碰碰车大战,于是我按照约定,到达了xx大厦,可他早已等我已经等我很久了。

  第一回合,我占上风,他比不过我,到了第六回合,他就主动认输了。

  第二局,他开始占上风,我也不甘势弱,我们僵持了一百多个回合,我因为轻敌,被他击败了。

  从那时开始,我就不轻敌了,我认真研究他的套路,于是我总结出了一种方案。

  第二天,我们举行第三局,他使用祖传方案,对我发动掹烈的攻击,我们势均力敌,平分秋色,我们比了3个多小时,也没分出胜负。

  后来,他不知不觉的睡着了,我趁着这个好机会,一记凌车飘移,一飞冲天,打的他不敢还手,对他的打击比屠杀亲娘还大。

中译英

One day, WUU Cherndann gave me a call He said: "Do you dare to hold a bumper car fight with me" I saidreadily agreed: "Why wouldn't I daOf course I dare", Sunday afternoon at the xx road xx building, Whoever doesn't come is a Coward.

I thought I threatened ​Xu YanWUU Cherndann, WUU Cherndann should be hiding at home, Dare not come out, But at this very moment, I hear mus the sound of music, Originally my phone was ringing,I look, It was WUU Cherndann on the phone, He's got a lot of nerve, I got through, And I heard revile on the other end of the phone: "Little loser, Why hadhaven't you come yet, If you don't come over, I'm gonna break Your mother's Urinary system." After I heard his insults against me, I replied: "I put you on the Homo Website, Help you to publicize it, What do you say."

​​He was too frightened to againanswer with me again, But on Sunday, I can't believe WUU Cherndann called me again, He's really gonna hold a bumper car fight with me, So I kept my end of the bargain, Arrived at the xx building, But he'salready here been waiting for me for a long time.

Round one, I have the upper hand,​ He can't compete with me, By the sexsixth round, He just threw in the towertowel.​

​Second inning, He began to gain the upper hand, And I'm not gonna give in, We were deadlocked for over a hundred rounds, Because I underestimate the enemy, Was defeated by him.

​Since then, I won't underestimate the enemy, I conscientiously studied his Habit, So I came up with setanother plan. ​ ​The next day, We'll have the third inning, He used ancestral plan, To launch a feifcefeirce attack on me,We are evenly matched, Neck and neck, We played for more than 3 hours, And there's no winner. ​ ​Later, He drifted off to sleep, I took this opportunity, An Automobile DaifDrift, Fly to the sky, The attack left him unable to return fire, It Damages him more than murder his real mothere.

南阳英语译文

One day, Wu Chendan call me. He say:" Dare you hold a bumper car race with me?" I ready agree:" How dare no me Of course", hold at Shunday afternon at XX Rd. XX bilding, the one whom dont come is song goods.

I think I frighten Wu Chendan, he shall in home no dare find me, but at the moment, I hear music noise, was my phong ranging, one look, even Wu Chendan's call, he is real brave, I answer call, hearding that head of phong cursing:" Little bastard, why haven't you arrived? Your mother's urinary system will be broken by me if you don't come." After hear he curse to me, I curse back:" I'am go to hand out you informacion to homosexuality website, and fry you up, you say good no good ah."

He's is so frighten this he do not responsibility to me, but at Shunday Wu Chendan call me against, he real hold race with me, so accord to oath I go to XX bilding and he wait me so longly.

One round, I take nawll advantage, he cannot race me, at six round, he give up.

Two round, he start take advantage, I too don't sweet to show weak, we hold 100 much round, I because looking down at enemy lose.

To then in, I so don't look down on enemy, I start research he condom road, so I end up with a solve.

Next day, we hold three race, he use ancestoral solve, to me send move phierce attack, we neck and neck, divide fall into pieces, we hit 3 ours and no win lose.

Late, he feel a sleep unknown, I taking this good chance, a remember dirtf, one fly handjob to sky, cause he more loss than killing he mothere.

手稿

别样的碰碰车大战.jpg

评价

阅卷老师

25分(满分50分)

本站

  • 《别样的碰碰车大战》是我国作家张祥如创作的短篇小说,也是其代表作。作品讲述主人公凭着聪明才智,在强大敌人仵沉蛋的挑衅下,不畏强暴,敢于反抗,最后在碰碰车大战中取得胜利的故事。小说发表后,当时的社会流传“不读《碰碰车》,就无法在文坛混”的谚语。《别样的碰碰车大战》在叙事深度的挖掘上远远超出了同时代作家所能及的层次。它开创了后世“意识流小说”、“叙事小说”的先河。《别样的碰碰车大战》发表以来,被译成多种文字广为流传,本站收录其原版作品。
  • 当年张祥如在和高雅人士聊时说过,他们南阳十三中一个班有九十个人,教师根本管不过来,也不愿管,所以这是这篇作文还能在50分当中得到25分的缘故罢。搜一下网上的新闻,河南历来都是超大班额的重灾区,这几年才渐渐有了好转,虽然也有自己不努力的成分,但是张祥如也可谓是受大环境所困的。

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(已被削除)

《别样的考试大战》

  一天,仵沉蛋给我打来电话他说:“你敢不敢和我举行碰碰车大战”我豪爽的拒绝了:“战个Ber,好好学习,不玩了。你敢不敢跟我举行考试大战,下周在xx楼xx考场举行,谁不来谁就是怂货。”

  我原本以为我恐吓了仵沉蛋,仵沉蛋应该躲在xx路xx大厦玩碰碰车,没有复习,可正当这时,我听见了音乐声,原来是我手机响了,一看,竟然是仵沉蛋打来的电话,他还真有勇气,我接通了电话,听道电话那头骂道:“小废物,你怎么还没复习完,再不复习完你妈的泌尿系统就被我搞坏了。”我听到他对我的毒骂之后,我回复道:“管他呢,搞坏就搞坏”

  他吓得再没再回应我,可是到了周日,仵沉蛋竟然又给我打电话了,他还真要和我举行考试大战,于是我按照约定,到达了xx考场,可他早已等我已经等我很久了。

  第一科,我占今上风,他比不过我,到了第六大题,他就主动认输了了。

  第二科,他开始占上风,我也不甘势弱,我们僵持了一百多个选择,我因为粗心,被他击败了。

  从那时开始,我就不粗心了,我认真研究错题,于是我总结出了一种答题方案。

  第二天,我们举行第三科,他使用祖传方案,对我发动猛烈的抄袭,我们势均力敌,平分秋色,我们考了3个多小时,也没分出胜负。

  后来,他不知不觉的睡着了,我趁着这个好机会,一记认真答题,成绩一飞冲天,打的他不敢还手,对他的打击比屠杀亲娘还大。